Fish Laxatives

This is a true story...

We have a fish that Elleory caught in the pond right by our house and has kept it alive for WAY LONGER than I expected. His name is appropriately...Phish. He's a not gold, goldfish. He has grown to be fairly big, and seems to be thriving on the inattention he receives, and the three plus feedings a day. Our Phish is a little dog-ish...he begs, so everyone who sees him during the day feeds him. Needless to say, he eats well.

Phish has been swimming a little off kilter for the last couple of days, a little sideways... like he has a Nemo fin.

The neighbors across the street just lost their goldfish, Mike, at the beginning of the week, and this is the only reason Phish is still with us I'm sure. (I guess Mike didn't die in vain.) Mike was swimming sideways as well.

So the Mom of Mike says to me:

"Mike passed on."

I say, " Oh no! What happened?" I'm really concerned because Liam's favorite thing to do at that house is pet the fish.

She says "He was swimming sideways... I just didn't take the time to try to save him."

I respond "You can save a fish?!? Phish is swimming sideways."

So she proceeds to explain about swim bladders and fish constipation. How she know this is still a mystery... Anyway, when a fish eats sometimes it gulps too much air, and it's little swim bladder gets to be like a balloon. So you soak their food before you feed them so it sinks and then they swim down to the bottom to eat and that clears out their little air bubbles...a little fish burping I suppose.

The other cause of sideways swimming is constipation, and since fish aren't really forthcoming about what the problem is, we fish mommies have to guess. So the cure is this, and honestly it sounds a bit like this joke my father tells about catching elephants... You skin a pea, yep a garden variety, or in our case a freezer variety pea, and drop it into the tank. Peas don't float so this takes care of the swim bladder thing as well. The fish then gets really excited about a new something to eat and gobbles up/down the pea, and it acts as a laxative. Fish ex-lax.

So I run home, nuke a couple of peas, peel them and throw them into the tank. Phish goes nuts and eats both peas in one swim by.

Waiting... watching...No poop. I was waiting for a miracle here, and expecting immediate results...We did just loose the bunny...can't loose the fish.

Life starts going as life does and Phish starts swimming normally. So I assumed that his little swim bladder was full and he has past his gas in a fish way and it was over. ( the thought runs through my head at this point, if that is where all of the bubbles in the tank come from...)

Sunday the sideways swimming starts again, so knowing exactly what to do, I nuke two peas, peel them, toss them to the fish and move on with Sunday things.

Monday... in between running Elleory to the Physical Therapist, tanning, picking Elleory up, and going to the eye doctor for myself, I stop at the house to get Anders his warm milk. (Yes, I take the time to heat that kid's drink up every time we wants one...don't ask...) As Phish lives on the kitchen counter, right next to the microwave, I see him quite often...So today, out of his tiny, little fish body is hanging the biggest thing I've ever seen come out of Phish.

"Oh holy Moses!" comes out of my mouth. (Well, not ACTUALLY Moses... I've edited the actual word as Brian is somewhat offended by what I actually said.) Phish is pooping his intestine! I'm sure of it. I'm watching him swim very quickly back and forth across the tank. Zipping back and forth, I'm totally sure in complete pain and anguish.

"This can't be good" and "I wonder how you put a fish out of it's misery?" are next out of my mouth.

THEN...the miracle occurs...Phish is done pooping and starts to swim around, normally, and with a big relived smile on his fishy face. "Thanks for the peas, Mom! They really worked!" He says. "Oh by the way, could you feed me now?"

So now you know, If your fish needs to poop, give him a pea. Magic!