Last night we got out a video that was all footage of the first year of our first child's life. I remembered as I sat and watched, how for that first year I could barely breathe. I was so worried that I was going to mess up so badly that she would eventually be a teen pregnancy statistic , or do all sorts of illegal drugs in High School, start ditching school in Junior High...you name it, the thought passed through my mind. That, on top of not sleeping and forcing that baby to breast feed, because it was "best for baby". (And in not considering WHAT actually was best for baby, practically starved her, because I never did produce enough milk, and she was having allergic reactions to what I ate.) I was a mess.
Oddly enough, in those videos you couldn't really tell. Thankfully.
What I could tell, however, was that she was happy, despite being hungry, and sleep deprived. She knew that she was loved, and that our entire world revolved around her. She was totally content.
I watched a movie the night before this home video experience in which the mother, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, is explaining to her grown daughter, that babies don't come with instructions, and it's just a big guessing game with each child, and sometimes you just do your best to set a good example, and then pray for the best result.
I wish I'd have believed that when she was a baby. I wish I'd have enjoyed every little moment. (Probably not possible, because she just didn't sleep, and there isn't much you can do about that. ) I wish I would have known that I could have asked for help, and that wasn't a sign of weakness, or that other more experienced mothers wouldn't think I was a "Bad Mother". I guess what I really wish I'd know is that eventually you just stop caring about what other people think of your ability to be a good parent. Because truth be told, they are just as worried about what their world looks like to everybody else, and that we are all just trying to get by without losing one child to the big bad monsters of the world, and we all go about it differently.
Fast forward 12 years. Number one child is a lovely, talented, well rounded young woman and I'm a different Mother. Thank goodness for two more children who came to help me understand that babies aren't as fragile as we think. If you don't breast feed they probably won't break curfew and get arrested in High School, and if they do wander off of the path you've set them on, it's probably not something you did wrong in the first years of their lives. It's a choice they are making for themselves. Really, really all we can do as Mothers, is teach them to do right, set a good example and pray for the best results.
5 comments:
Nice post. You're an awesome mom and I look up to you.
So, so, so true. It is much easier to relax the second time around :) I'm hoping that Jack comes out of his childhood with a good sense of humor :)
Hi, my name is Sasha and I stumbled onto your blog randomly.
I wish I had read that - instead of the gazillion baby care books - 5 years ago.
I too tried to do it right and put my son and myself through to much unneccesary pain by it.
Now if first time mothers ask me what book is a must read I tell them: "Don't read anything at all, just listen to your baby and your heart. That's all you need."
Thanks you so much for your uplifting words.
All the best to you and your family.
I thank God you were there for me the first year with Max. You held my hand and gently said, "Been there, done that" and reassured me that all was OK. I look back laughing now at your wisdom when you called me and asked me what I was wearing and then proceeded to come over and watch Max so I could change out of the clothes I had had on for 96 hours. I love you and I miss you terribly.
Nice post. good
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