Me and Math...

I'll be totally honest, I hate math.  I'm handicapped.  Not stupid... just slow when it comes to numbers. I'd like to think I'm just more creative than the rest of the world.

One of the things I love to do is keep track of the miles I run.  I write the mileage of each run onto the box that my current running shoes come in.  The list starts out with the date I purchased the shoes on then proceeds to march down the box, in a nice tidy row. I also write where I ran and sometimes with whom and my time if I like it.  At the end of the month, I tally up the miles and, Voila!  My favorite number of the day!  It brings me SUCH satisfaction. 

This month it was time for a new pair of shoes mid way through.  I retired the old pair, which means totaling out the entire list of numbers (I use a calculator for this) and breaking the numbers into three different categories.  Total for each month, and total over all mileage, number of days run and days rested.  For the most part I need a fairly accurate number so I know when to buy new shoes. 

This last month has been phenomenal! (If I do say so myself!) Record breaking, or so I thought.  I added up all my numbers, making sure to add in tomorrow's miles because, unless I die over night, I'm running 8 in the morning and that brings my total miles run for October to 150 miles!  I'm thrilled!  That's 21 days of running, 10 rest days.  I decide to compare that with last months figures.  I pull out that box from the closet and SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS!  I ran 5 miles more last month in one less day.  My inner Miss Clavel speaks "Something is not right!"

I get the calculator out and run those numbers again...

All I can say is this, I have a handicap.  I have NO IDEA how I got that number, and I still have about 40 miles I can run in my last pair of shoes, regardless of how they make my feet ache. 

Looking on the bright side, it's a little like getting a late birthday present...

My Alternate Reality...

I am not a silly woman, nor am I a dumb blond. However, I've noticed that I have started doing really stupid things.  The following story is just an example...

I use my phone for just about everything, calendar, alarm clock, music, movies etc... Every night I set the alarm labeled (I'm in now way kidding) "GET UP AND RUN".  Usually it's set for somewhere between 4 AM and 6 AM.  Some mornings I hop right out of bed and get going. Other mornings I hit snooze.  This morning was not a hop up morning, and not a snooze morning it was a...something in between morning.  Here's how the scenario plays out...

Beep beep beep... fumble, fumble, fumble...finally off. I tapped the off button probably six times, and finally that obnoxious noise stops.

Mr. Bergholm says, more to his pillow than to me,"You are not going running.  It's pouring down rain."

I say "  I don't hear rain, you're just hearing the fan."

He says " Nope, I can hear it falling on the roof."

I say "It can't be raining, my phone said it would be clear." 

Mr Bergholm "It's raining..."

At this point I sit up and hit the Weather Channel app and shove it into his face (bright light and all) and say " See!?!  Clear!  It's not raining... the little moon doesn't have clouds on it!"

He says " Honey... get up...out of bed and look outside." 

I huff, throw the covers off and leave my warm bed.  I'm muttering to myself the whole way down the stairs 'I'm going to prove you wrong buddy and your gonna have 10 minute to find your running gear and your coming outside, in the clear night, to run with me, just because my phone is right, and so am I!'

I open the front door to rain...pouring rain.  Not just a drizzle, POURING RAIN.  Mr. Bergholm was right, not my super phone.  I was stunned, amazed...flabbergasted. I opened the Weather Channel app and there it was...a bright moon with no clouds covering it, with a big 44 degrees right under it.  I go to the next page, where it shows the hourly weather.  There it is again, a big beautiful moon...no clouds.  I look up and out the door and there is STILL rain pouring out of the sky. 

I re-set my alarm, walk up my stairs, crawl back into bed and say nothing. Mr. Bergholm has the covers over his head.  No comment from him.  Oh, he was not asleep...he was not giggling...he was probably wondering where his smart wife went and who was this dumb chick in bed with him!

Maybe I ought to leave the weather forecasting to the old American Indian method..."If the rock is wet...it's raining."

P.S.  When I woke up one hour later and walked out of the house to go to the gym to see my Personal Trainer, there was not a cloud in the sky...stars everywhere, and it was colder than 44 degrees.

Grocery List

Thursday, I went for a quick trip to the grocery store with child number three. Just us two...ALMOST grocery store bliss.  Here is a copy of my list:

Fruit
Veg
Chocolate Milk
Snickers Bar (use free coupon)
GU (buy case)

That was the whole list.  2 different stores.  You can't buy a case of Chocolate Outrage GU at the regular grocery store. That you get at REI.

I just pulled the list out of the car with my trash and had to laugh.  If I had, perchance, picked up a cart with that list still stuck to it, I would automatically assume that that person was a runner.  Those are all the things you need before, during, and after a long run.  Heaven knows that you certainly carb load with good carbs the whole week before the big run. Drink chocolate milk right after as a recovery drink. Squeeze in a GU every 40 minutes during, and inhale a big ole' Snickers bar as a reward for pushing yourself that hard. It's all perfectly thought out and a formula that works great for me. 

I'm glad I didn't leave it on the cart. Because if a stranger doesn't know that formula, it just doesn't look that great.  One's shopping list says a lot about one to others.

Things I Wish I Could Do

(Honestly, right now I wish I could go to bed...HOWEVER...it's EONS away and I'm overdue for a post.) 

Here it is... 

THINGS I WISH I COULD DO...

1. Read a book without falling asleep
2. Clean a room like Mary Poppins...been practicing my finger snap, and no luck.
3. Attend school at Hogwarts. Just so you're aware, I would NOT do well in potions.
4. Write a book that would become a favorite in every language...a la Jane Austin
5. Date The Count (yes from Sesame Street)
6. Be a Roadie for a REAL band, like Led Zeppelin, or AC/DC
7. Finish the College degree I started a million years ago in Art History (when I was young and foolish) and get a job that didn't pay less than a Batista at Starbucks. (They get pretty good Benefits by the way.)
8. Get a Camaro...a CLASSIC Camaro, you can get car seats in the back of a Classic Camaro.
9. Speak Italian... beyond, 'Prego' and 'pronto', which ARE real Italian words. Added to that I'd like to be able to eat carbs without filling out in my middle section.
10. Meet Joseph Smith, have a chat... HECK if I'm meeting famous dead people add Lincoln, Regan, Jane Austin and Elizabeth I to the list.  I'll bring the finger sandwiches.
11. Get wings tattooed on my feet, in white ink. 
12. Run faster... Olympian fast...Gold medal fast..win the prize money fast.

This is in no way a pity party, if it started to sound like one... Just things I think about from time to time. Mostly when I'm sitting waiting for the bus, or folding laundry or walking home from school, or grocery shopping, (because we all know how painful it is to fork out $150 bucks for stuff we can't wear). My 'me' time mind wanderings. I think I must not be alone in these adventures. Do all Stay-at- home Mom's have this list?  I bet we do.

Don't Pass Out...

Dearest MOMMY,

I'm so far behind on my Mother's day gift I'm not sure what to do. Sorry Mom!  Hope your not holding your breath... Bad child that I am...you'll probably die from it. I've even had some good ideas lately about blog posts. The sad fact is this...I can't even remember to get Elley to her piano lessons, let alone remember what I was thinking about 15 minutes ago in the grocery store to blog about! Please know I've stuffed post-it notes into my purse (good luck finding those EVER AGAIN!) to write stuff down on, and I've made a half-year resolution to start writing again, again...

PLEASE, please start breathing again.  I promise to do better.

Love your Bad Kid,
Kate

PS...Nothing new and exciting is happening here anyhow...(LOL, SNORT, sigh...)

For All of the Times I Wish I'd Had a Camera...

I don't take many pictures. I probably could take really great pictures if I tried, I just don't have the desire to constantly be whipping a camera out to document my life. I am however married to the "Picture Nazi". Every photo is staged, thought out, planned, scrutinized...re-shot until it's perfect. This is the only reason I have any pictures of my kids. Thank you Mr. Bergholm. I mean this most sincerely.

Our number three child makes me wish I had a camera in my pocket all the time. (I conveniently forget about the camera in my phone. Really it's an OK camera, but it doesn't have gadgets, which truth be told, is my weakness.) I'm going to set the picture up for you in words...maybe that will be better, because I'll think those words out, scrutinize, plan, and re-shot until I get it perfect and hopefully you'll be able to see the picture I would have shot, had I had that camera in my pocket.

PICTURE THIS....We are walking on a beautiful sunny Seattle afternoon on the trails that surround our home. The light is green, because we live in a rain forest, and filtered through the tall trees. All three kids are running on the path ahead of us ducking in and out of the forest on either side of the path to jump out and scare us and each other. Liam is falling behind, slowly, slowly, slowly... he can't run and hold the great stick he has found that is the perfect height for him to use as a walking stick in one hand while trying to hold up his ten pound cargo pocketed shorts, with the other. His shorts are filled with big rocks from the storm water pond, little rocks from the path, full blades of grass, with the roots still on , and a few little sticks that we are "going to NEED to pack in the car and take to Lake Powell with us to start a fire". Every pocket is used, every treasure picked up. His shorts, which fit under normal circumstances are falling down around his legs as he tries to keep up with Elley and Anders, who are much older, and faster.

We suggest, "drop the stick."

"No!"

"Empty your pockets."

"No!" (this is where you get the dialogue about needing those rocks "just in case a crocodile comes out." )

On he runs, not fully frustrated yet, but trying so hard to maintain a good pace. Yelling ahead to his brother and sister to "wait for me!" At which point he stops and turns his dirty little face in our direction, smiles his sweetest innocent smile and laughingly says, "Mom! Look! I'm at Butt Crack Junction!" while wiggling his quickly-becoming-naked-butt in my direction. That is when I would have snapped the picture. While his little sense of humor was glowing, and his smile was as bright as the sun, and his little moon was just beginning to peek out.

Cameras are overrated.

An Open Letter to First-Time Mothers

Last night we got out a video that was all footage of the first year of our first child's life. I remembered as I sat and watched, how for that first year I could barely breathe. I was so worried that I was going to mess up so badly that she would eventually be a teen pregnancy statistic , or do all sorts of illegal drugs in High School, start ditching school in Junior High...you name it, the thought passed through my mind. That, on top of not sleeping and forcing that baby to breast feed, because it was "best for baby". (And in not considering WHAT actually was best for baby, practically starved her, because I never did produce enough milk, and she was having allergic reactions to what I ate.) I was a mess.

Oddly enough, in those videos you couldn't really tell. Thankfully.

What I could tell, however, was that she was happy, despite being hungry, and sleep deprived. She knew that she was loved, and that our entire world revolved around her. She was totally content.

I watched a movie the night before this home video experience in which the mother, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, is explaining to her grown daughter, that babies don't come with instructions, and it's just a big guessing game with each child, and sometimes you just do your best to set a good example, and then pray for the best result.

I wish I'd have believed that when she was a baby. I wish I'd have enjoyed every little moment. (Probably not possible, because she just didn't sleep, and there isn't much you can do about that. ) I wish I would have known that I could have asked for help, and that wasn't a sign of weakness, or that other more experienced mothers wouldn't think I was a "Bad Mother". I guess what I really wish I'd know is that eventually you just stop caring about what other people think of your ability to be a good parent. Because truth be told, they are just as worried about what their world looks like to everybody else, and that we are all just trying to get by without losing one child to the big bad monsters of the world, and we all go about it differently.

Fast forward 12 years. Number one child is a lovely, talented, well rounded young woman and I'm a different Mother. Thank goodness for two more children who came to help me understand that babies aren't as fragile as we think. If you don't breast feed they probably won't break curfew and get arrested in High School, and if they do wander off of the path you've set them on, it's probably not something you did wrong in the first years of their lives. It's a choice they are making for themselves. Really, really all we can do as Mothers, is teach them to do right, set a good example and pray for the best results.

I Prayed For This...

I've been paying a personal trainer for a couple of years. Three I think. I've changed trainers one time, so a year and a half with each trainer. Both very good. I do this because I'm not a creative gym go-er, and because I'm not about to do 5000 squats on my own. Occasionally I'll put together a work out for myself, but there is just something about having someone else do the coaching, and prodding. Often, my cute trainer (and I say cute like little brother cute) comes up with an exercise that KILLS me. During the course of the exercise, I will start chanting, "I paid for this, I paid for this, I paid for this..." Scott usually laughs maniacally, and says something like "only 1000 more to go, your doing great! Dig deep! Keep it up!"

I write about this because I'm seeing a parallel in my life. Spiritual Training through Motherhood. I have One Personal Trainer and three junior apprentice trainers. I get an amazing work out with my three junior apprentice trainers; every day. Except they don't do really well with the words of encouragement. Mostly it's all about the breaking me until I'm so worn out that I'm ready to cry. It's those moments that I have to remind myself "I prayed for this, I prayed for this, I prayed for this..." I'd compare it to spiritual prison camp, but maybe that's going a bit too far. Maybe spiritual boot camp...

Thankfully, I do have moments where my One Personal Trainer shouts down from on high with words of encouragement, or at least a small break from the madness before it starts up again. "You're doing a good job! Try the exercise this way it might work better, or move your feet to this spot, and you'll get a better result. Dig Deep, keep it up!" It's those moments when I feel like the training is worth it, and I remind myself that "I prayed for this, I prayed for this, I prayed for this."

Happy Mother's Day

In my efforts to be a good and kind, loving person I often fall short. Here is an example....I missed Mother's Day. I'm apologizing publicly to my Mother for failing to send a card, or to call. I don't have a good excuse except that I was recovering from running a half-marathon the day before and was caught up in my own activities. LAME EXCUSE...I know, but there you have it.

I've been thinking about what I could do for my Mother that would make up for my extreme lameness, and what I came up with is this...One blog entry a week for the year. She has been hinting that she misses me, and my blog.

So week one, and I'm sorry it's so short Ma, I'm trying to get dinner on, and get to Stake Conference, and Mr. Bergholm is out of town, so I'm flying solo...the timer is going off to get the pizza out of the oven, Anders is screaming because he just fell down, and Liam is probably off somewhere free peeing, or drawing on the wall...

I love you MOM. Happy Mother's Day.

Once a Runner

Stockholm Syndrome

I just had bladder surgery. It's been an incredible, eye opening experience for me in just how whiny I am. I'm kind of amazed that Heavenly Father hasn't struck me down with lightening, or a car for that matter...

This is something that I've need to be taken care of for YEARS. I'm talking since childhood, and please know how very happy I am that medical science has come so far so that I could get my bladder fixed with out much fuss, without an extended hospital stay, with no more than 6 stitches. (That I can see.) With no more pain than 3 days worth and cured with Advil for the most part.

Easy Pee-zy! (pun intended)

So why the whiny? I have essentially a new body part. It has to learn to become part of my body community, scar in so to speak. So as part of the assimilation process, I can't run, can't lift anything heavier than 10 pounds, can't do yoga, squats, jump, cough too much, do the Physical Therapy I need for my leg injury, can't help my children sled, or even pick out my turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. I can't vacuum my house or put my Christmas tree up. Basically if it requires bending, lifting, moving fast etc...I can't do it. I'm trying to be very diligent because almost half of these surgeries don't work, and I'm trying to do all I can to make this work.

What has been particularly hard on me is the lack of running. My entire life revolves around my morning run. Every day but Sunday. I get up at 4 the morning, one hour earlier than my run time so that I can take my asthma medication, and an Advil. Read my scriptures, say my prayers and eat a little breakfast, so that I can(finally) go outside and run, and run faster, and run stronger. (And breathe and meditate, and think, and breathe, and focus, and plan, and enjoy, and breathe...) It is for me more effective than any drug a doctor could prescribe to help handle my depression and my inability to focus my mind. It quite literally does for me what I can't do on my own. That being said...I have to abstain for 6 weeks. Needless to say, I'm not getting up at 4 am to read my scriptures, OR pray. I'm rolling out of bed later, and later each day because the one thing I CAN do is walk on a tread mill, slowly. It is just not enough, or the same, and it's just not something I want to do. Need to do is not something that crosses my mind.

This is were the eyeopening part of this experience come into play. What a selfish child I am and NO WONDER Heavenly Father sends me trials! I've blogged before about how I don't rest well, and it is evident this time around that I don't. I've been trying to open my scriptures more, and I've definitely been praying, but I think the nature of those prayers needs to change. I've also been trying to think of things I'm thankful for everyday. Sometimes that is so hard especially when under the dark clouds of winter and depression.

Here is the end of this sad post, and hopefully some redemption...Two things I'm VERY thankful for that will keep me going everyday for three more weeks. Once a runner, always a runner, I know the day I'm released I'll be right back on the track working on a personal best. (Please let me never lose a leg. Thoughts for another posts.) AND, second, I can sneeze with a very full bladder without peeing my pants!

Maybe the time will go faster now.

Liam's Pirate Boggie! Day 2: At Butt Crack Junction

So just a little more Liam. I swear I have more kids but he takes the cake, hence the reason for the sharing...

Enjoy this little window into the dance studio that is our home.

How Liam Steals the Show

I just found this going through the Halloween Pictures. I believe this was while I was upstairs helping Elleory with her costume, and putting mine on. I've been trying for WEEKS to get Liam to dance for the camera, and here it is folks...The Pirate Boogie.

Liam...

Scissors...


HAIR...


AGAIN...


Need I say more?

THE Briar Patch

We are at my parents home visiting for a couple of weeks. I get so excited about the littlest things about being home. Weeding a garden, (I hated this as a kid) getting a chore from my Dad, (also not a childhood favorite) mowing fields, (this has become exponentially cooler as an adult, and with the introduction of the riding lawn mower...) etc. But today I realized, it's the clothes line I love the most here. It's probably the COOLEST thing about living in the middle of no where. Today the wind is blowing, which I hated as a kid, but I'm doing laundry and I'm planning on hanging the clothes out to dry. They will come in as stiff as a board, and I'm excited about it. I've learned how to cheat a little and stick them all into the dryer with a softener sheet for about five minutes when they are done on the line and that helps with the stiffness. But the smell is the kicker. Fresh air on clean laundry! I'm so excited I can hardly wait for the washer to be done.

I love the silence. I've forgotten how much I miss that. AND as I have become a mother I've discovered the coolness of telling the kids to shut off the wii, and "go play outside".
(My folks have a wii, WE do not have a wii, and WE will not EVER have a wii...
"ahhhh, Mom!!" "Sorry!" (NOT!) just can't bring myself to introduce brain rot to my kids)
Right now the kids are up painting the play house, with real paint. A chore from Grandpa. They are in kid heaven. Red Paint! They are making enough noise to scare away the neighborhood bear, and the Deer that now come right up to the house to eat my Mom's flowers, right out of the pots. Deer! As kids growing up here, we made so much noise they only came around in the very early hours of the morning to munch on the grass, and now my parents instead of thinking of them as beautiful visitors, consider them to be pests. How things change.

I do miss the dog. But the cat brought home a rabbit for her dinner just yesterday and left just the hind legs out on the porch for Mom and Dad as a present. My kids were horrified. Just part of the circle of life, I explained to them. It's such a different education here.

I'm so enjoying my time here!

This is my Briar Patch...So PLEASE MISTER! Don't throw me in the Briar Patch!

VooDoo Magic

Stockholm Syndrome

So just a quickie... I saw my wonderful Dr. today about my knee. It isn't ligaments or tendons damaged. YAY! It's just a super locked up joint. So a visit to the chiropractor and it SHOULD be as good as new!

I feel like I've been given a death row reprieve! I can run again with no pain soon!


VERY VERY HAPPY!

Checkin' One Offa the Bucket List!

Stockholm Syndrome

Yesterday I ran my first Half Marathon. It was a great day. I realized as I drove home that I'm FRESH OUT OF GOALS! Not a good feeling for me. SO, I 'm going to keep that one ON my Bucket List and add a disclaimer....Run a Half Marathon (every year).

Lemme tell you about it! My goal was to run 13.1 miles in 2 hours and 15 minutes. I set out to train in late March with 2 other friends, right away, I got injured.

First, my Dr. found arthritis in my knees. She got that "fixed" very quickly. I had fluid shot into both knees (with needles!) once a week for three weeks. Not as bad as it sounds because I was running pain free.

Then I strained my Soleus Muscle in my right leg. After a month of not running and almost complete PANIC, I decided to just take Advil and run. My great Dr. decided that it wasn't indeed my calf muscle that was still causing pain at that point, but my spine and I was getting residual pain in my legs. I'm happy with that explanation and I'm sticking with it.

Then, for 4 weeks I ran with no pain in my legs, but with a severe lung infection. Finally that cleared up, but, about 3 weeks before the race everything (by which I mean EVERYTHING) went bad. Swelling hip joint, ligament pain in my knee, nerve pain in my legs...Back to the Chiropractor, Dr, PT...everybody. Back to the medicine chest... Back to resting and not running.

PRESS THE PANIC BUTTON PLEASE!

Here is where I tell you that prayer and Aleve work wonders. (And maybe rest, but I HATE it, so I'm not a good advertiser of rest.) This last week, I was to the point that my knee hurt at mile 6, so if I could pound it out until then, I could suck it up, slow down, and easy run the rest. That was my game plan, and exactly what I did the day of the race. I ran 13.1 miles in 2:12:39, and I'm PLEASED AS PUNCH with myself. I didn't do it alone. I had my two friends most of the way, and when I was alone (you can only expect your faster friends to stick out slow for so long, before you say "see you at the finish") I had my Heavenly Father. I pray when I run...it helps with the pain.

So would I do it again? Probably not this week, I got some killer blisters that need to heal, but next week? YOU BETCHA! However. I promised myself some time to recover, and (said through clenched teeth) rest. One month, July, while I'm home visiting my parents in Colorado. Hopefully in one month, with a bunch of at home PT, and non running exercise, I'll be back into form.

Now for my NEW Bucket List goal...hit a Crow with my car. Not as easy as it seems.

Thoughts About Burning Buildings.

Stockholm Syndrome....

I have these on-going rambling thoughts that occupy my mind space and keep me amused for hours on end. Here is today's thought. It all started while I was BORED STIFF putting laundry away.

I have this black hoodie that I LOVE. It is my "go to" hoodie. I've even (gasp) worn it to church. I got it at CHEZ TARGET about a year and a half ago. $19.99...worth every cent. This hoodie has a HUGE hole under BOTH arms now. (Big enough to put my whole arm into...I know because that's how I discovered this "hole" mess, excuse the pun...) Irreparable. It is a sad, sad day...

So, this is where the thinking comes in. Now keep in mind, that this is pure ramble...only because I know people who have lost everything (including family) in a fire, so this is a stupid "what if". HOWEVER, this hoodie is THE thing I would brave running into a burning building to save. Of course that is because everything else is out of the fire...family, pets, pictures, family history. etc... So thinking on the purely ridiculous side of this mock disaster, what would you save from a burning building?

Your response must be ridiculous...because you've saved everything important at this point and now you are down to comfort items. What would it be?

The reason for this ramble is two fold...
1). because I'm at a lost as to where and how to replace this hoodie.
2). because I'm mourning a little and it's just a THING.

I'm fairly certain that I'll be able to find a black hoodie that can replace this hoodie, that was in reality a replacement for the original black hoodie...that I would have originally run into a burning building to save.

I should be fine...soon.

My Newest Idea.

I've been contemplating a change...I was right in the middle of creating a new blog, just for me, when I had the thought that I have tremendous problems keeping up with one. SOOOOO...In order to have a blog that is both for me and a means for my far flung family to keep up with us, I've decided to have ONE blog, but two ways of posting. So if you don't want to read my personal ramblings, you don't need to. They will have the heading "Stockholm Syndrome" above them so you'll know they are completely about me, and not about my children's potty accomplishments, etc...

I'm gonna try this out soon...but not today. The little men SUDDENLY need my rapt attention.

Stake Conference Talk

This past weekend I had to speak in stake conference...pretty big grown-up stuff! Thought I'd post my talk so that all could enjoy. I wish my family could have been there to hear it, but in reality that would have been more nerve racking. Brian can tell you all how it really went, if you are wondering, but for now, here is the print version. ENJOY!

I love to run. Recently, because of a leg injury, I’ve been having to rest. I don’t rest well. Because of this particular injury, I’ve been spending a lot of time at Physical Therapy. During one appointment, the aide and I were talking about the differences between Slow and Fast twitch muscles. It was a fascinating conversation that I continued to think about for several days. In fact, it kept coming back to me and started to twist its way around the concept of building faith, much in the same way we build muscles. I’m grateful that the Lord blessed me to have those thoughts and to dwell on them because that is what I’ve been asked to speak on tonight: How I can build my faith.

The LDS website gives us this definition of faith:
“Faith is a gift from God, but we must nurture our faith to keep it strong. Faith is like a muscle. If exercised, it grows strong, if left immobile, it becomes weak.”

Human muscles contain a genetically determined mixture of both slow and fast twitch types of muscle fiber. This mixture is what separates the sprinters from long distance runners. Slow twitch muscles are programmed to be our endurance muscles. They are more efficient at using oxygen to generate fuel for continuous, extended muscle contractions over a long period of time. They fire more slowly, and can function for a long time before they become fatigued. It’s our slow twitch fibers that help us to run marathons. I like to think of these muscles as our “endure to the end” muscles.

Endurance muscles need a specific type of training. First, they need the chance to endure, good long runs. Next they need slow, consistent, weight baring exercise, the kind you do with little weights. In fact it’s those weights that do these particular muscles the most good. Finally and probably most important, and it pains me to say it, they need adequate rest.

Like these endurance muscles, our faith also needs a very specific type of training.
A quote from the talk “Help Thou Mine Unbelief” By L. Whitney Clayton given October 2001, states this:

Developing faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is a step-by-step, line-upon-line, and precept-upon-precept process. We promote the process of strengthening our faith when we do what is right—increased faith always follows as a consequence. If we exercise our faith daily with PRAYER, STUDY, and OBEDIENCE, the Savior helps our unbelief, and our faith becomes a shield to “quench all the fiery darts of the wicked”


I’d like to compare Study to the small weights one would use to strengthen endurance muscles. I believe that studying means much more than we can imagine. In order to exercise our faith we can study the scriptures, study the words of modern day prophets, study the covenants we have made with the Lord, and if we are able to attend the temple, participate and study there. Study our lessons both in church and in school, listen and respond to the still small voice, who is a great study partner.

I have a testimony that we can strengthen our faith in every situation we are in everyday, if we study the lessons out in our minds and apply the knowledge gained.

In Ether 12 :27 it states:
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

He has promised to help us become strong through study…opening our minds and hearts everyday will help us to build our faith muscle.

Second I would liken obedience to a good long run. Running is a learned art, which consists of constant tweaking. Obedience is also a learned art, and it seems to me that it too consists of a good deal of tweaking. Again if we consider that faith is achieved a little at a time, by our study, then, we can assume that we obey a little better each time we learn something new.

The LDS web site said this about obedience. “We can strengthen our faith by keeping the commandments. Like all blessings from God, faith is obtained and increased through individual obedience and righteous action.

When I run, I have a slow foot. Recently I met with a form coach to help me. After running behind me for several minutes he told me how to fix the problem. Two very easy fixes, but I have had to change the way I hold my arms. While I wasn’t running badly, the new information helped me to place my feet more correctly, and in a way that would get me moving forward faster, and with better efficiency than before. As I have practiced this new form, I’ve noticed that my leg fatigues a bit faster, as I have to use my muscle in a slightly different way. It may take a couple of good long runs to fix that problem, but with obedience to the better form, my endurance will build.

In much the same way, the Lord gives us great coaching advice on how to move forward faster, and with more efficiency, but we must be open to both the suggestions and the long run involved. Sometimes the suggestions will mean that we might fatigue a bit, but part of obedience is enduring to the end, by trusting that the coaching is for our ultimate benefit.

I have a testimony of obedience. It has created a peace in my life that nothing else can bring.

Lastly I’ll liken Prayer to rest…Like I said before, I don’t rest well. Rest is the key to recovery. A tired muscle never performs to the best of its ability. In fact, even endurance muscles fatigue at some point, in running it’s referred to as ‘hitting the wall’. At that point, it seems like nothing but prayer will get you through. I do a lot of praying during my runs.

In life I often ‘hit the wall’. Prayer strengthens my faith by bringing my will in line with my Heavenly Fathers’ and, it gives me an opportunity to give my cares and concerns over to someone who can and will help. Most importantly, praying gives me the ability to rest.

I love in the 34th chapter of Alma, when he is teaching the humbled Zoramites about prayer and he lists the appropriate times, and places, and reasons for prayer. I’ll paraphrase:
19 Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.
20 Cry unto him when ye are in your fields,
21 Cry unto him in your houses, yea, morning, mid-day, and evening.
26 But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.
27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually

Just as I have trouble resting, I also have trouble handing my cares and concerns over to the Lord. Running has actually helped me to gain a testimony that Heavenly Father cares about all of the things that concern me. He cares how fast I am running, he cares how badly my leg hurts, and he cares that sometimes I am just not breathing well. He takes my burdens and carries them for me, so that I can run and not be weary. Mostly, I think he is just really happy that I’ve let him into the loop.

I have strengthened my faith by learning to pray, by studying out the ways that work best for me and by being obedient, even though sometimes I get fatigued by the process.
I have a testimony that prayer will indeed help us to strengthen our faith muscle. It will improve our study, and help us to be more obedient. Prayer will help us to find the rest that we need in order to endure all of the trials that face us.

Gratitude and Pride

I'm guessing...Anders at 2? Probably not more than 2 and a half.

This picture is notable for two things. The first being the ever present Binky, or in our family speak, KIKI. Second is the cars. The two things that 1). we NEVER left the house with out and 2). where the items of comfort in any given situation, church, grocery store, school, home...never without them. This being said...

Anders has given up the KIKI! All on his own. About 4 weeks ago he just gave them to Brian, completely unprompted and out of the blue, and stated his intentions of becoming a big boy. And he never looked back. If you ask him about it you receive his beautiful shy smile and the little mumble about being a big boy and not needing to have his Kiki anymore. I am so proud of him. He made it through the first couple of night with only a tiny, two minute suck to calm his brain down, then he would hand it to us and we would walk away. I am utterly amazed by the progress our little boy has made in his life! He is an amazing testament to hard work, (on his end), to overcome some huge challenges. I am thankful for the many hours of therapies, and the therapists, that have given him the tools he needs to function. What a blessing they are and what a blessing he is. I'm thankful to have had the huge support system we have, and to know that God sent this boy to us because WE needed the education, and because he trusted us to learn AND grow by helping him to learn and grow.

SO...on to the next thing. Whatever that may be. But, I'm happy to say that it's probably not going to be Anders' struggle, he is a big boy now.

I do have to mention for posterity's' sake, the fiery temper tantrums that have come with no "off" button... but those are making their way out as well.